Heart Pictures

I Miss You

2012-02-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

Most of the time I'm okay
I love my life and where I've been
Full of wonderlust and adventure
But today I miss you

Today I wanted to hold your hand
Like the couple sitting next to me on the Train
I wanted to laugh at your jokes
And feel the safety of your hand guiding me on the small of my back

Today I wanted to tell you a million things
But I chose to listen instead
And I watched you intently as you rambled on and on
I can't help but smile when you do that

Today I wanted to sit next to you in silence
You'd let me think and gently play with my hair
You do the crossword puzzle and leave the hard ones for me
And I love that about you

Yes, today I miss you and it's strange
How is it possible to miss someone you don't even know
Real feelings attached to the abscence of you
And yet I do, I miss you

On My Mind III

2011-09-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

You are on my mind

Partly b/c there was so much left unspoken

And b/c I keep thinking of how happy you will be to be home

It's hard to be left behind, discarded, forgotten

I took down our pictures, took off the bracelet, and grieved

I feel bad for myself a little but mostly feel grateful

People have been wonderful but they aren't you

Part of me wants you to miss me

But I know you had 2 weeks to say goodbye before you said the words

I should have kissed you goodbye

I should have let you say what you wanted to say

I know you are so happy at the ranch where you belong

And that's why you are on my mind

Deeply In The Details

2011-08-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

The one who made you who you are

Breathed life into your soul

He who knows you perfectly

And loves you completely whole

He who knows your heartache

He who catches tears

He who whispers in the silence

And takes away your fears

The one who watches fervently

Whose tender mercies are known

Only He can measure your heart

And witness how much you’ve grown

He is deeply in the details

His love runs anchor deep

He knows your every burden

And the sorrows that you keep

He who loves you raw and broken

Makes the heavens scream and cry

He whose voice the dust obeys

The one on whom you rely

The one who made your heart

Can pull it till it bleeds

And then He compensates

By planting healing seeds

He who asks for nothing less

Then all you have and more

If you will but give Him your will

Great treasures He has in store

Radiant Firehawk

Anasazi Shadow

IF

2011-08-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

If you can stand on the precipice

Understanding the course of your choice

Then take a step in the darkness

Without every hearing His voice

If you can listen without being heard

And measure the words you speak

If you can learn to pay the price

And make charity what you seek

If you can give another your heart

And not expect theirs in return

If you can sense the grace in silence

And apply the things you learn

If you can dance with those of royalty

Yet dine with those from dust

If you can seek the good in others

And liberally give your trust

If you can look into the mirror

And love the person that you see

If you can hear the sound of music

In every rock and stream and tree

If you can learn to be forgiving

And give freely of yourself

Understand life’s greatest treasures

Don’t lie in any wealth

If you can give everything you have

Then give a little more

That’s when God will give His mercy

And great blessings lie in store

If you can give the Lord your will

And know that His ways are higher

He will help you bear your burdens

And guide your righteous desire

By: Kylee Shields July 3, 2011

To: Lincoln Pearce

Deliverance

2011-01-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

When you don't have the answers

When you can't see ahead

Trust in the Lord

Let go and be led

When you think that you're ready

When you're willing to try

Then trust in yourself

Take a leap and fly

When you're doing all you can

When you're barely getting by

Know that you are truly loved

And deliverance is nigh

When the day is finally finished

When your weary soul is done

Know that what you do matters

He truly love the one

So calme your troubled heart

Ease your wandering mind

Put your faith in God

Then answers you will find.

Home

2010-04-26T01:52:00.001-07:00

Because before I had proof

I knew you would be my best friend

Because you give gifts year round

Not just when they are required

Because paper trees and travel themed walls

aren’t just fantasy

Because you like write letters and take notes

And sometimes I get to see

Because in a crowded room of people

I just want to laugh with you in the corner

Because you write about far off places

But the real story is where you are

Because when my heart is aching

Yours listens

Because sometimes when I’m with you

It feels like home

Made For Me

2010-02-18T23:38:00.001-08:00

Behold the heavens Thy hands hath made

Deep is the valley Thou freely gave

On top the mountain, Beneath the sea

For these I’m grateful Thou made for me

To see a rainbow in its array

And bask in twilight near the end of day

The shooting star, For every tree

For these I’m grateful Thou made for me

For every sunrise that starts the day

And every river that’s carved its way

For every flower and every bee

Of these I’m grateful Thou made for me

The sound of music that fills the air

The deepest of love that we share

For healing, forgiveness, and eyes to see

Of these I'm grateful Thou made for me

Kylee Shields 2/17/10

I Choose You For Me

2010-02-18T23:35:00.000-08:00

Out of all the fish out there in the sea

And what a big sea there happens to be

I”m glad I found you and you found me

I know we’re not dating or anything such

But I love your humor and your gentle touch

I”m glad I get to say ,to me, you mean much

I like your smile, laughter, and mind

A friend like you is hard to find

I’m grateful to me you are so kind

There are few things in life I enjoy more

Than friends like you whom I adore

And new adventures that are in store

So today if you wonder, “Who loves me?”

In that big vast gigantic sea

Just for today I choose you for me

Kylee Shields 02/12/2010

Happy Valentine's Day

Time to Listen

2009-09-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

Tell me how to mend your life and I'll do it

Help me help you understand that you'll get through it

I'm sorry sometimes when you cry I can hear

When all you really want to do is disappear

I don't have answers to the questions you are asking

I don't have reasons for the troubles you are feeling

But I have time to listen

Come sit with me and tell me all your sorrows

Let's laugh and think of future tomorrows

And never think that you can't cry or scream

Life never quite turns out how it seems

I don't have comfort for the heartache you're enduring

I don't have peace for the problems you are facing

But I have time to listen

Sometimes laughter can break apart the pain

Sometimes sorrows are washed away with rain

Most times the darkness slowly fades away

When someone loves you day after day

I have a shoulder you can cry on

I have a bed to rest your cares

But mostly I have time to listen

(to: MoMo)

Deeply in the Details

2009-08-31T13:10:00.000-07:00

For: Kris Gurr

You I place at the heart

The center of all I do

You are an integral part

And Constantly remain true

You are deeply in the details

Of all that I pursue

You kindly fill the cracks

Of all I fail to do

You understand for me

Things I can't comprehend

And where I'm blind You see

Where I'm broken you mend

And Lord when I lack faith

You help me to believe

And when my hope is gone

Your love I can receive

So lift me when I'm weary

Hear me when I cry

Comfort all my fears

Wipe tears from my eyes

And I will give Thee all

My mind, my heart, my soul

To Thee I'll give my will

So You can make me whole

8/2/09

sometimes

2009-08-31T01:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in the midst of confusion there's clarity

Sometimes in the thick of drama there's depth

Sometimes in the basis of friendship there's fear

Sometimes when you're banking on answers there's apathy

Remember (5/28/06)

2009-05-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

Remember me when the day is done

When your laughing heart is free

Remember me when the day begins

The flag flies for liberty

Remember me when you're free to roam

When you can worship where you may

Remember me when you take a stand

And have freedom of speech to say

Remember me when you make a choice

When you kneel down to pray

Remember me when it's not so easy

I died so you could live this way

In memory of all those who died so I can be free!

On My Mind II

2009-03-05T23:50:00.000-08:00

So you're on my mind

And have been since I first met you

There's just something about you that intrigues me

You seem to pop up in random

And I wonder how you see the world

I gave up the whole try to figure things out

Like why you are on my mind

And now I just embrace it

And that's why you're on my mind

Healing Rain

2009-03-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

I've read how you can part the sea

Turn water into wine

That You can heal a broken heart

Even one like mine

They say that You can raise the dead

And make the blind man see

But Lord I lack the faith

Please help me to believe

I need Your hope

I need Your power

I need to know that You are with me

In my darkest hour

I need your faith

I need some healing rain

I need to know You understand

Because You've felt my pain

You watched as Peter walked to You

And reached out when he fell

And though You were a Jew still taught

The woman at the well

You suffered for the sins of man

and for their sorrows too

Help me Lord, I do believe

But don't know what to do.

I need Your peace

I need Your power

I need to know the You are with me

In my darkest hour

I need Your love

I needs some healing rain

I need to know You understand

Because You've felt my pain

(almost finished song)

Wiamoase

2009-02-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

Obruni, obruni how are you

The children run up and say

I'm fine how are you is answered

They grab my hands to play

Some children just want to touch me

Others are scared of my skin

They can see that something is different

And yet new friendships begin

Confused

2009-02-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

Is it okay to be confused

To let go of certain views

To gain perspective and truth

Going to adult from youth

What happens when conflict arrives

When values and passion collide

When politics and faith don't aline

But together make sense in your mind

Is it possible to hold 2 beliefs

While still maintaining peace

Can faith shed light on what's known

Or is believing both still condoned

More Than This

2008-11-28T22:47:00.000-08:00

Most everyone loves this time of year

Giving in to songs of joy and cheer

A time to make memories and reminisce

To be in love and to have a child's wish

To be caught up in all the bustle and glee

To put up the lights and trim the tree

Learning to enjoy giving more than receiving

Understanding seeing isn't always believing

It's the unexpected treasures we want so much

The candy and toys, the sweets and such

The traditions we can't live without

The Ho Ho Ho of Santa's shout

Everywhere you turn there is twinkling and lights

Running down aisles sometimes full of fights

It's always a rush to find the perfect toy

Rechecking the list of every good girl and boy

But there is more than this

More that this Season has in store

And this is my Christmas wish

Open your heart and you will find more

It's the time of year to forgive

To forget, to let go and to live

To recognize His amazing grace

In every person' s passing face

So be sure to share laughter and hope

Help those aching and suffering to cope

Get outside yourself and find a need

Love is the answer to overcome greed

Remember that Christ is the reason

The center and the meaning of this season

He is the greatest of all gifts

For His spirit comforts, heals, and lifts

May this be your best Season ever

Making memories that last forever

And may you find time to be still

Giving Him your greatest gift-your will

"Oh What Songs of the Heart"

2008-10-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

Found Poem arrainged as a prayer

On bended knees with broken hearts
We come before Thee Lord (p. 138)
When disappointment, grief, & fear are gone
Sorrow forgot love's purest joys restored (p. 124)

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me
Help me find the way (p. 301)
Precious Savior, Dear Redeemer
Let us never from Thee stray (p. 103)

My Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art (p. 86)
Restore my dear Savior
Bring hope to my desolate heart (p. 6)

And should we die before our journey's through
Happy day-All is well (p. 30)
What tongue my gratitude can tell
Oh gracious God of Israel (p. 112)

Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving
Teach us tolerance and love (p. 172)
Bringing happiness and joy
Rich blessings from above (p. 298)

Henceforth and forever, Amen & Amen (p. 2)

God of Mercy

2008-09-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

God of mercy
Hear my plea
In quiet desperation
I come on bended knee

I recognize I'm broken
I know Thy healing power
My heart is heavy burdened
I need Thee in this hour

Help Thou mine unbelief
Lord, I need Thy grace
For I am thus a beggar
Shed light upon my face

God of mercy
Save my soul
Take my fear
Make me whole

I seek a gentle touch
Confirmation of care
Absence of my loneliness
To know You're there

Peace I come to seek
My heart I freely give
I long to be with Thee
For eternity to live

God of mercy
Lord of love
Take me home
To Thee above

Kylee Shields

Smiling Tears

2008-09-14T00:37:00.001-07:00

Is it possible to be surrounded by people and still feel lonely

Can you know something is so right & where you belong & yet feel lost

How can love be so unexpected & yet at the same time so consistent

Where do you go when there's no one to talk to & yet everyone will listen

Will there come a time when it's my turn & not some else's

Can you be doing the right thing but feel you are in the wrong place

Is it possible that something so unconventional could be so wonderful

Why does my heart ache when it is so full of love

Enough

2008-09-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

To anyone who has been told they aren't enough!

I am strong enough

I am wise enough

I am just enough

I am kind enough

I am bold enough

I struggle just enough

I am enough

Enough

2008-08-22T01:20:00.000-07:00

I never knew that all I ever needed I already had

I had this idea in mind of what it meant to be successful

It always seemed to be just out of reach

My sense of worth relied heavily on inconsistency and outward validation

And I wondered why my happiness seemed to ebb and flow

And then I went to Europe

No cell to constantly coddle, email to send, or bills to pay

No traveling companions to bargain with

No one to distract me from me

I blazed my own trail, on my own time, in my own way

I set off on a journey of discovery and came home with the greatest souvenir

In the water of such foreign places swirled my thoughts

And in the wind the Spirit whispered to my heart

I was enough

I didn't need a big house, a diamond ring, or the perfect man

I didn't need people to validate me or to have the cutest clothes

It didn't really matter what job I had or where I worked

I needed to know that I was enough

That with the Lord I could accomplish anything

I never knew that all I ever needed I already had

For Jodi Cantrell--my new roommate and old friend

Midnight Moon

2008-08-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

Where are you Midnight Moon

I've got so much to say

My thoughts will dance away soon

My words never quite the same

My heart is racing to see you

As my eyes wander the sky

So many things I dream to do

Amazed at how time does fly

But of course tonight you are shy

I guess you are allowed a break

So tonight you won't hear my cry

Another night for my heart ache

Kylee Shields

Reminisce

2008-06-12T22:28:00.001-07:00

You know those friends who make you smile
Take you back w/such ease & grace
They know your ways-they know your style
Know when to pry and when to give space

And although you're all grown up & such
Travelled different paths along the way
You find you can talk about so much
With never a lack of things to say

It's crazy how much you let down your guard
How much your maturity melts away
How great it feels to laugh that hard
At the end of such a wonderful day

And just as quickly as you've assembled there
Life comes barrelling in & you're on your way
So you say your goodbyes & that you care
All the while wishing that you could all stay

And as you leave w/ a smile on your face
You feel grateful for love like this
And know you'll meet again in another place
Once again as friends to reminisce

6/6/08 Kylee Shields

Sistine Chapel

2008-02-27T09:03:00.000-08:00

Here I sit under a sky of color
Amazed at the symbolism above
Surely these painters inspired by God
Represented His everlasting love

Curtains surround to bring warmth
Colors so bright and divine
I have arrived-I have made it
For the chance to see such beauty if mine

The life of Moses and of Christ
On display for all the world to see
Surely the gospel is rolling forth
I stand in awe in what surrounds me

For centuries the Popes have lived here
They have commissioned such great art
For me it is a moment of honor
I will capture and hold in my heart

~Written while inside the Sistine Chapel in February of 2008~

Mommy

2007-11-09T07:39:00.001-08:00

Because even at 27 I'm never to old to call you that

Because there's only 8 of us who can

Because there's really no one I'd rather talk to about life

Because you inspire me to be the woman I'm becoming

Because almost every memory that matters has you in it

Because you set the bar so high

Because you let me vent and offer real solutions

Because even when you don't understand--you try

Because I said it first

Halloween Night

2007-10-31T08:22:00.001-07:00

It's Halloween so be aware
There's Witches, Goblins, and Ghosts out there
And if you like sweets the pillage is great
Just be sure you don't start too late

For Trick or Treat ain't for the faint of heart
And the earlier the better I think to start
So put on your costumes in style
For this time of year won't be back for a while

Tell your tales and spook your foes
Pass out your candy to those so an so's
Bring out the black lights and dry ice galore
And just you wait for what lies in store

It's orange and green and the color black
It's buying the sweets by the pack
It's pumpkins, and kids, and lots of weird
It's all kinds of stuff that should be feared

So find a kid to hang with-if you need an excuse
And get out there tonight and be of some use
Whether you trick or whether you treat
Today is day meant to be full of sweet

So forget about cavities, being too old, or weight
Today is great day to celebrate
Beware of what's coming for it draws near
It's Halloween night so bring on the fear

Teacher Turned Student

2007-09-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

Fish out of water
Bird on the ground
Being out of your element
Is something profound

From king of the jungle
To just one more face
Starting everything new
And pleading your case

Taking a step
And letting things go
Banking on a future
You have yet to know

And memories are haunting
Faces in your dreams
And catching your breath
Is harder than it seems

Feeling short of purpose
The teacher with out a class
Has now become the student
Studying hard to pass

I'm sure that you'll find
A place where you're free
To swim or to fly
Which ever you'll be.

To: Brian-called-Adam

On My Mind

2007-09-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

so you're on my mind
and i can't help help it
i tried not to think about you
but you persisted
you insisted i analyze you
everything that i know
and when i refused
somehow you crept in

so i gave in

and that's why you're on my mind

Come to Lift

2007-09-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today I come to lift
For you I humbly pray
For this is not about me
At least not for today

Today I come to lift
This may someone please
But even if it's not
I will love with ease

Today I come to lift
In doing I'll be blessed
But this is not my wish
For you are I confess

Today I come to lift
I pray I can be part
To ease your burdens born
To carry your broken heart

Today I came to lift
And though you may not see
Today you changed my life
For today you lifted me

~ Inspired by a sacrament talk by Daryl Smith 9.16.07 ~

remind me

2007-08-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

you let me just sit there
I was craving silence
you let me inside
I was missing you
You notice the little things
I thought you'd forgotten
you gave space
and in return I did too
tonight I needed to be reminded
once again you came through

Things Change

2007-08-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

Here's one from the archives. I used to work at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for troubled teen girls. So I wrote this song for them.

Things Change

Sometimes the clouds come because we need rain.
Sometimes the healing causes the pain.
There's time when my heart takes a picture or two.
Times when you've changed me or I've some how changed you.

Some days the time stops or at least it stands still.
Sometimes you ache to express how you feel.
Other times things change right before your eyes.
And sometimes no one can hear you cry.

And things change. Dreams come alive. People let go. And you survive. Things change. Memories heal. You find the strength to stand still.
Things Change.

Some goodbyes last forever and others are brief.
Some tears are for heartache and some for relief.
Some times when the hurt just won't go away.
Love come to replace it and there it will stay.

Sometimes you can't see the light from the dark.
You're just trying to go out and make your mark.
So you try to make "home" wherever you are.
But the "home" you dream of in your heart is so far.

Things change. Time moves on. Wounds heal. The pain is gone. Things change. They always do. Don't give up. Stay true.
And things change.

And if I had the change to make things stay the same I wouldn't ever.
For change is what brought me to you and changed my life forever.

And things change. Hearts break. Tears fall. Eyes awake. Things change. People move on. Remember me. When I"m gone.
And things change.

The Greater Good

2007-06-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Can you hear the buzz and the level of stress
That must mean it's just about here
With lots of new staff and a big name change
Comes the end of this fiscal year

And what a great year it has been
With the trials have come such joy
We are glad to say at the end of the day
Today I helped at least one girl or boy

Each team's worked together their best
To bring about the greater good
And we laughed and cried along the way
Like any non profit should

And boy did we raise money
Big Night, Golf Tournament, BOTY and more
Out doing themselves time and again
The D-team has much more in store

Our recruiters are out in the trenches
CRS fielding calls all the while
The Marketing Team gives us a face
That we can wear with style

The VET finding wonderful volunteers
The YET finding families in need
Both making life changing matches
With unprecedented kinds of speed

With the phones alit on the 6th floor
The MST supporting matches each day
Constantly honing and learning new skills
Brokering resources for change along the way

We're managing the age old struggle
betwixt people and numbers and such
Maintaining the business with bleeding hearts
And in the journey learning so much

To all of the supers and admin
the interns, the volunteers, and staff
This place couldn't run without you
We are Magic on your behalf

So much of life happening inside and out
So many people putting in long hours
So many lives to be making a difference today
So many babies and going-away showers

So farewell to a great year gone by
And welcome to a new year begun
Let's hope in all the madness and stress
We are also having a whole lot of fun

06.29.07 Kylee Shields

(To Big Brothers Big Sister of Mass Bay)

Some How

2007-05-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

I might have made a mistake
I might have done it all wrong
I'd maybe do it again
I might be right all along

I think I've worn myself out
I think I want to give in
I'm tired of chasing this dream
That I'll never win

Could you love me broken
Would you even know
Take me as I am
Or would you let me go

I'm not as strong as I thought
I'm not as weak as I feel
Just make the pain go away
Why does it feel so real

Today I'm starting again
Today I'm changing my plans
I'm gonna find my own way
Or take it as it stands

Can you love me broken
Do you even care
Could I wake tomorrow
And see you standing there

Some how
Some where
Some dreams do come true

I think
I've found
I think some how I've found
My dreams in you

Song by Kylee Shields 5.23.07

A Triumph of Many

2007-04-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

There once was a cubicle farm
Where many would come to play
They would work oh so hard
From morning till end of the day

All busy making a difference
Each a unique role to do
So hectic all of their schedules
And lots of life to pursue

Managers busy managing
MA's making their calls
Lives being changed forever
Each day full of rises and falls

Sometimes there's too much to do
Some days just fly right by
Sometimes you feel like you matter
Others you just want to cry

For every challenge you encounter
There's a triumph of many
For every match that closes
There's new matches a plenty

You may wonder on any given day
What it is that we do
I've only a few words tell you
We're busy making dreams come true

So from one little cubicle way up front
When you're tired at the end of the day
Know you're making a difference for many
In your own unique and special way

~for my fellow BBBSMB cubicle goers~

inbetween

2007-03-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

You are between the lines in my emails
You are in the face of my coworker
You are in the laughter of a teenager on the T
You are in the peel of every banana I eat

You are in the absence of my tears
Your are in the movies I watch
You are in sporatic moment with the family
You are in the lining of my hunger pains

And yet you are not here at all

You are not here to yell at when you bug me
You are not here to cheer for BYU
You are not here to ask a million annoying questions
You are not here to copy me

You are not here to tell me how hard life treats you
You are not here to tell me about the girl crush you have
You are not here to ask the mail man to play basketball
You are not here to hug me or kiss me on the cheek

For all the moments you are not here
I thank God for all the memories I have

"Daddy"

2007-03-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Because even at 27 I'm never to old to call you that
Because there's only 8 of us who can
Because just thinking about seeing you makes me feel like a kid at Christmas
Because having to say goodbye hurts my heart
Because almost every memory that matters has you in it
Because you set the bar so high
Because I can feel your love and prayers all the way across the USA
Because I said it first

Anything but Ordinary

2007-03-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

you took the time to listen when I needed it
you set aside whatever you were doing for me
you not only heard me- you actually listened
and in the right moment you talked

you sent me a text message
it was simple and on an ordinary day
what you didn't know is that I needed that
It was anything but ordinary

you stopped me in the busy hall
you looked me in the eye and spoke
you opened up your heart and began to pour it into mine
and I couldn't help but be filled

you smiled at me with your eyes
you didn't say a word but you didn't need to
I heard everything you wanted to say
thank you for your kindness

you were talking and talking but not really saying anything
and it was when you stopped that I began to hear
all the words your heart was saying to me
and the silence was beautiful and enough

Depth Perception

2007-01-26T13:18:00.000-08:00

To reach depth you have to penetrate the surface

Quiet Desperation

2007-01-19T19:03:00.000-08:00

There are those moments
late at night after the day is done
and the world seems to be asleep
but I can't

In those moments
The moments of quiet desperation
My mind seems to wander
and it usual ends up in the same place

While the tears are falling
The knees are pleading
And I long for more than peace
Patience looms in the air

It is in those moments
that I discover who I truly am
Simple, stark, bare, and open
Like a child without pretense

Overwhelming gratitude
seems to sweep away unjustified fears
And in the midst of confusion and clarity
I am saved by Grace

The Magic of Christmas

2006-12-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

Twas a busy day in Bethlehem

My rooms were filled to the max

And chaos lie all around

For many had come to be taxed

The Inns were filled with people

Business today would be good

So turned I many away

Like any full Inn Keeper would

And with ne'er a second thought

I stuck to the task at hand

Then who should appear at my door

A woman pregnant on a donkey with a man

I quickly did turn them away

But looking into her eyes

I listened as the man pleaded

And ached at his sad cries

There is no room in my Inn for you

But a stable I have full of hay

It is not much for you tonight

But at least it is somewhere to lay

I showed them to my stable

Wearied they thanked me so

And walking away I wondered

What was it they did know

Had I known the King of Kings

Would be born in my manger stall

I'd have given my bed, my room to them

I'd have given Him my all

And many have turned Him away

So caught in their chaos and doom

They don't recognize the Savior

For in their hearts there's no room

So let up open our doors

Our hearts, hands, and eyes

For the magic of Christmas may lie

In a simple or humble disguise

May we each have room in our lives

To let the Master in

And unlike the hasty Inn Keeper

May we recognize it's Him

(a poem i wrote years ago)

about you

2006-11-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

yes this poem is about you
it's about you because
you always read into my poems
wondering if they are about you
so yes, this one is about you

Heavenly Clarity

2006-11-13T11:36:00.000-08:00

I don't have it and I don't get it
I sometimes think I'm broken
or wandering aimlessly with direction
second guessing my decisions
doubting my confidence
and wondering where to go

we are all broken and I know this
some, more than others, but all
I get glimpses of clarity
followed by depths of uncertainty
followed by tender mercies

Let me go

2006-11-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

I don't need your empty promises
Or your validation
What I need for you to do
Is let me go

Change

2006-11-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you least expect Her
Other times you know She's coming
Some get snatched up in Her clutches
Others She leaves behind

There are times when you'd do anything for Her
Like move across the country or
Finally quit a thankless job to follow your dreams
And you realize the power She has on you

When all you want to do is make Her slow down
Even just for a few more moments
You seem to treasure the moments you can control
And ache for the ones that you can't

Sometimes She takes your breath away
And you find faith, hope, and love in people
You never dreamed of knowing before She came along
Then She rears her ugly head and ruins your best laid plans

Sometimes She requires letting go
Leaving a gaping void in your heart
Other times She demands taking a step
Making it happen or letting it go

While She shines on others you may feel left behind
Lost in Her mirage of dancing mirrors
But fear not- She has not forgotten you
Soon you will be singing and dancing in Her parade

I tip my hat and shed a tear
I'll give my heart to Her- no fear
Embrace Her, I will, come what may
Together we will find our way

November Afternoon

2006-11-01T12:17:00.000-08:00

today in the middle of downtown I stopped
squinting at the streaming sun through ominous buildings
the heat that gently tickled my skin made me smile

i heard someone say this might be the last of the sun for a while
and laughed a little becuase I had heard that a few weeks ago
and was grateful it wasn't so

I marvled at the contrast of the buiness-suit-money-makers
and the nonprofit-bleeding-heart-save-the-world-goers
and those who are somewhere in between

watching people standing outside on their addiction breaks
and walking amidst a crowd of pedestrians hurring somewhere
I wondered how hard it would be to disappear

soon the snow will fall and the wind will blow something fearce
coats, gloves, mittens, and scarves will dance on display
but not this november afternoon

aperture

2006-10-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

when my heart is open it seems to bleed life's perfect glimpses
into a blur of emotion
when closed it seems to bring even life's slightest imperfections
into crisp view

tell me where I can I find the right size for my heart

aperture

2006-10-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

i wonder if how open or closed your heart is
determines the picture that others see of you
if you could go back and change the picture
would you have to adjust your heart

To Escape

2006-10-06T06:48:00.000-07:00

if only i could stop wanting
long enought to accept
if you could ever know
how much for you i've wept

then maybe i could move on
but the question is where
is there a place i can escape
that i won't find you there

Home Again

2006-10-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

Where are we going
Why are we here
Where did we come from
Questions that I fear

Open your mouth
Declare God's plan
People will listen
They will understand

The time is now
Don't be confused
The doctrine will save
But needs to be used

The gospel is truth
Tested and tried
For each Christ suffered
For all He hung and died

Our choices are crucial
They determine our place
So be steady and constant
This isn't a race

The Savior will save
His plan is the way
Eternal Life is our goal
Home again to stay

(inspired by L. Tom Perry)

A Firm Foundation

2006-10-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

Constant and steady
Faithful and true
Fleeting I fear
Impression I knew

This is the time
Search, ponder, and pray
In holy places
Is where I will stay

There's wisdom in service
Joy found in giving
In losing your life
You'll find you are living

(inspired by Thomas S. Monson)

Purple

2006-09-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

My favorite color to hear from you is purple
but lately I don't hear that color
I hear bright reds, blacks, and dingy browns
I feel magenta, soft hughes of grey, and a tich of yellow
Amber blobs and sharp cutting edges of clearness
shooting from you and well I'm not an artist
but I will tell you this...I miss the purple

Camp Fire

2006-09-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

in its emblazoned heat
every emotion is felt
the feirce cold in my heart
sitting here begins to melt

as I watch you placing logs
building a teepee of wood
i take a moment to reflect
on all that is good

then the fire begins to leap
and rears its ugly face
most choose to simply move
i stay rivited in my place

for i'm enamored by its beauty
i'm enthralled by the light
so captured by its grace
memories stirred by its sight

Remember

2006-09-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

The best laid plans fail
The most sacred memories fade
And even when you least expect it
Towers crumple before your eyes

...but

Patriotism with bind souls
Remebrance will sear hearts together
And even though the world is ugly
Love still conquerors all

2006-08-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

The girl who had nothing

The boy who had everything to give her

But he would soon find out that she already had everything he ever wanted

“Shhh” she says putting her slender finger to her lips.

“Close your eyes and listen” as she closes her eyes and tilts her head sideways.

“Listen to wh…” he says enamored as she covers his mouth with her hand.

"Shhh. Close your eyes. Yes, tighter...okay now...can you hear the breeze speaking to you?"she whispers so genely tht he wonders if the wind asks him. He waits for a brief moment but it is as if the silence almost kills him as he throws himself on the ground and begins to make snow angels in the grass laughing. She looks hurt, as if he has stolen the moment, and begins to pout, just ever so slightly...

Paper Punch Holes

2006-08-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

Like dandruff on the blue carpet
And you just left them there
I watched them for a while
just sitting there...still...minding their own business
I watch you walk over them hour after hour after hour
I mentioned them to you, but you don't seem to mind
I can't stand it any more
So down on my knees I'm picking and picking and...
who gave me this need for neat disease

Timothy N. Connor

2006-08-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

Tim is my surprise. He was unexpected in my life but greatly needed. Isn't it strange that until we meet someone we really had no idea how much we needed them in our lives. I have to say that he has stretched my vision, expanded my horizons, increased my ability to love, and ultimately he has taught me so more about the Atonement than he has any idea.

Tim is a gift. I didn't pray him into my life, I didn't will it, I didn't even know how much I wanted him to be a part of my life until he was there--in the midst of it. His ability to go out and make things happen is what I was first attracted to. His ability to love people--although quitely--astounds me. He may not let you see it but his heart is bleeding and full of incredible insights.

He is truly an artist in every detail of his existance. His eye for beauty and imagery flows through his blood--not just his eyes. He is passionate about life and living every minute of it and I love that about him. Timothy is kind, he is gentle, and he is bold, brave, and courageous and I am amazed at his ability to be all of those at the same time.

Tim has this way of making everyone feel unique and loved individually-even in a crowd. He is funny, he is creative, he is quiet, he is mysterious, and he is loud. He is strong but also shows his weakness if needed.

Some of my favorite moments with Timothy are simple heart pictures. I thank him for letting me in, for letting me love him, for allowing me to see things through his eyes for the first time. For being a part of many of my firsts and allowing me to change and stretch with him by my side.

Timothy you inspire me and yes, everything does look better wet!--well almost everything...

K. Marie Thompson

2006-08-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

Marie...how do you even use mere words to describe such a creature. She is fire flies, and peanut butter--she is oatmeal pies and fresco paintings--she is unicorns and philosophy. She is all these things and so much more, but I won't even try to describe Marie, just how she inspires me.

Marie has a mind that I would love to dive into for a just a little while and swim around in it. I think I would find so many amazing ideas, pictures, and thoughts. I think I only happen to get a few of the ones that seem to spill out involuntary...and I love those. Sometimes I find myself lying awake at night just trying to imagine seeing the world through Marie's eyes (I have to concentrate really hard and think of the most radom thoughts possible) and every time I try this I get tired and realize that this comes natural to her.

Marie's heart is for the taking, but be careful because once she lets you hold it you may never want to give it back. She is clever, funny, smart, exciting, kind, generous, spontaneous, and a dear friend

I don't think I know very people who write as beautiful as her...and the way she makes me laugh and smile...that alone makes me addicted to her. Until proven otherwise I have decided that she is my reason for moving to Boston--right or wrong I make that choice because of the impact she has had in my life in the past 7 months.

I know she loves me, but sometimes I catch myself feeling so blessed that she calls me her friend--for the fact that I don't have to vie for her attention--or convince her to hang out with me. Besides all her strengths I love her for all that's wrong with her, for her beautiful tears I wish I could catch and punish every reason for them, for her weaknesses, for her brokenness, and for her allowing me in.

Marie you are more than enough for me!

Seth B. Wood

2006-08-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

There was magical the moment I saw Seth--again after a long time apart. Some bad feelings, misunderstanding, and hurt has been between us in the past. When I saw him that all seemed to disappear. I took a chance, hugged him, and said a quick prayer of forgiveness and humility. In that brief hug I felt all things unkind between us shluf off onto the ground. I stepped out of the pain and past and from that moment on I have never looked back. I am so glad that Seth--maybe unknowingly--maybe on purpose, did the same thing. That day was the beginning of a new amazing friendship.

Seth is truly one great man. There are so many things to love about him. His quick wit, his tender heart, his willingness to put everyone to ease, his listening ear, his kindness, and his desire to bring out the best in others.

Seth has this way of always making me feel like a princess without condescending. He inspires beauty in me to come out that I never even knew existed. He seems to understand hearts more than most--though he will rarely say.

Seth is so comfortable to be around, I am amazed at this. He is manly. He's a great worker, an amazing friend, he makes me laugh all the time, he is fun, and he is kind. Seth is multidimensional: meaning he has many sides. He can be serious and contribute to a real conversation and he can also take you on a ride out to a park in the wee hours of the morning, jump the fence (illegally) and sit beside me to watch the docked sailboats rock in the water.

Seth is hot...or handsome...or whatever you want to call it. He has a demeaner that is comanding, yet gentle. He is aware of his surrounds and has kigatsuku...one of the things I love most about him

So, to my Sethy know that you are part of the reason I love Boston so much!

Julie S. Hulet

2006-08-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know how it happened but Julie just stole my heart from the moment I met her. I should have been on my guard, I should have been suspicious, and I should have been anything except what I was and what happened when I met her...truly I was compelled to love her. That's just one of the things that I love about Julie.

Julie has a smile that melts your heart-no matter what is going on in your life. She has a voice that I could listen to forever (and that's saying a LOT). She is so easy to be with. There are times when I'm with her that I wish she could just hear what I'm thinking because to say the words just ruins the moment and they just seem to get in the way.

Julie is beautiful-yes on the outside and such, but the beauty that i'm talking about goes way beyond what you see at face value. She has a bleeding heart and a laugh that almost makes her seem like cotton candy or and ice cream cone on a summer day. She is dripping with kindness and I happen to be a recipient of that kindness all to often. For that I truly am indebted.

Julie's honesty is striking and may be one of the things I love the most about her. She is true blue through and through. She can be a vault or she can show her brokenness-and in both I have been privilege.

She is my Ju-Ju-Bee and I don't know why I am so blessed to have her love but I'll take it as long as she will let me. Julie is spontaneous, irrational, quirky, and sometimes so silly I don't know what to do with her---and those are the times I can't stand to be away from her.

So to my Julie, I love you and you are changing my life one heart picture at a time. thanks!

Paper Wings

2006-08-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

Stomping around in glass slippers
Where sideways sidewalks are found
The Nothing rumbles through
Alice's hole in the ground

I follow the Yellow Brick Road
And find The Last Unicorn
Who leads me to Tom's white fence
Where Little Boy Blue blows his horn

Watching a camel walk through the eye
I take flight on paper wings
But get stuck in Wonka's small hallway
Listening as the Siren sings

And mesmerized by Medusa's beauty
The Beast's petals begin to fall
And I stumble upon Romeo and Sir Lancelot
Duling for the Fairest of Them All

By chance I meet the Jabberwok
Who introduces me to King Kong
They teach me how to write
But that turns out all wrong

I try Sam's Green Eggs and Ham
But don't like them very much
I behold the naked Emperor
but just miss his Midas Touch

I make sure to avoid The Wild Things
And jump on the Polar Express
Is it any wonder, I ask myself
That my life is a complete mess

August 17, 2006

The River

2006-08-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

We like to place blame
Sometimes it's merrited
Most times it's not
We blame others for things we ought to do
And We blame for things we didn't do
Yet, in all these years I never blamed the River

August 17, 2006

Water Fire

2006-08-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

Gas lit lamps hung just above my head
The heat of the fires blowing in my face
Weaving in and out of multitudes if people
Being drawn to the sound of a saxaphone

Whisperings of a wind flute in the air
And we are following the river winding
Excitement is all around, but I feel safe
Because you are both with me

The jazz music sings to my heart
Salsa dancing with you takes away a bit of my fear
And Providence you truly amaze me
By the magesty that you behold

Reluctant Tears

2006-08-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

I was on the bed and made no attempt to move
So you flopped yourself down next to me
We talked of superflous things-at first
Then you let me speak to you raw
Tears began to fall unmentioned
Followed later by my reluctant tears
Hearts exchanged sorrows unfathomable
And for a moment silence spoke a thousand words
I let you into my brokeness
And now we can never be the same

A Sweet Kiss

2006-08-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

talking with you comes so freely
i am amazed at what i learn
and how easy it is to love you

i am aware when you let down your gaurd
and I know that just for a few minutes
your eyes will speak the passion of your heart

then I look at you and smile
you are changing and growing
how lucky am i to be a part

i feel safe when i'm near you
and when I leave you are gentle
a sweet kiss on the forehead-my favorite

Singing Beach

2006-08-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Waist deep I stand next to you
And there is comfort in this
Watching the sun go to sleep
I feel peace I miss

Talk comes easy with you
As the temperature subdues
And I'm grateful you're with me
That your heart-to me- speaks truths

How strange our friendship started
It was doomed from the first
But I'm thankful for your love
I'll take the best with the worst

So here's to many more adventures to come
Crazy laughs and that elusive sunset
The quiet moments when nothing is said
and every moment I am glad we met

Pictures in the Clouds

2006-08-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

Laying on my back next to you
The sun kissing my skin
The sky stretches my vision
And so does the ocean
The light house stands daunting
A moment of peace

People out playing or resting or both
The waves lap the shore just out of reach
and just for a moment everything is as it should be

2006-08-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

You with your will for speed
Your winding windy roads
Your open meadows with Weeping Willows
Yes, you truly are wonderful

More ++

2006-08-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

It was an ordinary ride on the T
Or so I thought
The curly-haired little girl seemed very happy
And I think her nanny had just about had it
It was hot and she was tired
I tried not to stare but they were right in front of me
And the little girl kept smiling at me
She made lots of grunting noise, like little kids often do
But then she did something that completely melted my heart
She started to sign "more"
her two hand touching each other fingers gathered together
"more"
So simple and to most onlookers it was just a gesture
But I understood her communication
Her nanny reached for the raisins and gave them to the little girl
"more"

The Reason

2006-08-02T10:44:00.000-07:00

If I laid out my memories of the past 6 months in a line side by side
I don't think there would be many without you
And even those memories are in some way connected to you
And so I have to wonder if you are my reason

If I stacked every email written sinc Jan. one on top of the other
Not very many of them exclude you
And the ones that do I seem to send to you anyway
And so maybe you willed me here

Then again I do recall I prayed for a refuge-a haven of sorts out East
Somewhere for me to recover, to get healthy, and to heal
And though I was looking for a place
you may well be my answer

Today I started to count my many blessing and you kept popping up
No matter how hard I tried to think of other things and people
You seem to be entangled in my heart
And I don't mind

Broken Heart

2006-08-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

I know your heart is breaking
I haven't got the slightest clue
Nor do I have empathy
But my sympathy I give to you

You have every right to suffer
You won't be the first nor last
Love has a way of digging up
The memories from our past

And if the love I have for you
Can help to mend your heart
Let me know where I begin
Help me know where to start

Heart Pictures: The 411

2006-08-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

I started writing heart pictures about the time I graduated from HS. I have always loved poetry and writing poems but I discovered that I didn't write about things that most poets wrote about. Most poems are about love, death, romance etc. I was always enamored by life, the ordinary moment and the extraordinary ones. The times in your life when you heart takes a picture.

And so I began my journey. In college I was studying English with a creative writing emphasis so I decided to use my heartpictures as a way to improve my poetry skills and my improv writing. I would write a poem every monday. This poem would not be thought of ahead of time or be one that I had previously written. No, I would write this poem off the top of my head. Now sometimes they turned out wonderful but other times they were a big flop.

Thanks to a lot of support and encouragement many of my heartpictures ended up being published in poetry books, magazines, and in various other places.

Now with my move and a little bit of being able to settle down I think I have found a new home for my heartpictures. Feel free to comment, correct, expound, and enjoy!